He lost It
by DA Whisper
Summary: Daryls thought's and feeling's after He's told Carol died while fighting Woodbury. Rated for Adult Content.


Disclaimer. I don't own "Walking Dead"

I do claim the story line.

Warning: Some Adult content. You've been warned.

"He lost it."

"She's gone Daryl."

His heart faltered. The beat stuttered as he stumbled forward, his cross bow hanging low. The rain was falling so hard as he walked, but he didn't feel it. His hair soaked and matted on his face. His eyes cast down watching his feet as he walked up the gravel pathway to the metal doors that led inside.

He didn't notice the rain was no longer falling. He didn't notice the water wasn't falling into his eyes blinding him.

He didn't notice how much colder it was inside the walls of the prison. All he saw was his perch.

He didn't notice the group step out of their cells looking at him.

Looking for an explanation for answers to questions left unspoken.

He wasn't prepared for this. He didn't know how to handle what he'd heard. He couldn't handle the thoughts inside his head screaming at him. The guilt that seemed like it was going to flood his system and all he wanted in that moment was to fall into her and cry. He didn't care who saw.

He wanted to wrap his arms around her and pull her so tight to him that they wouldn't be able to breathe.

He could feel the tears burning as they threatened to fall from his eyes and he didn't fight it.

He dropped his cross bow on the ground and fell to his knees on the small mattress.

His body fell back so he was sitting on his feet and he stared at a small white comb by his pillow.

Leaving something of hers there in his personal space was her way of telling him she wanted to be there

His hand reached out without his brain saying so. His fingertips almost touched the comb before his brain yanked his hand back. It was one of the last things Caroltouched so he wanted to leave it be.

His body slouched forward and he fell in on himself, curling into a loose ball facing away from the edge of his perch.

He thought himself a strong man. He thought he could handle anything. But this? This was too much.

He'd sworn to protect her after Sophia. He'd sworn the day he found her in the broom closet after thinking she was dead for two days that he'd keep her safe, that he'd do everything he could to keep her alive. And he swore he'd tell her how he really felt. That he'd loved her more than anything he'd ever loved in his whole damn life.

He'd tell her that seeing her in the dim light of the morning, the way her sleeping form in his arms that early sent shock waves through his body. How he'd wake up early on those mornings he knew she was there. How he'd pull her just a little bit closer so he could feel her steady heartbeat. How her heartbeat calmed his heart and made him swell inside. How grateful she made him feel for giving him a reason to fight to live. How, when he saw her with Jud,y his heart lurched in his chest a yearning to see her with his child in her arms.

That moment came as a shock. The thought came outta nowhere. She was standing just outside her cell. Her hips swayed as she rocked Judy asleep after she'd greedily eaten a whole bottle.

She had this little smile on her face as she looked down at the baby and he'd stopped what he was doing and stared.

She cooed and mumbled as she swayed leaving Daryl almost breathless.

"Maybe one day that could be us."

He felt a sob building up inside of him. He curled in tight on himself and pulled the blanket to his face and buried it.

He heard this odd sound. Almost sounded like a scream but more guttural and husky. He wasn't sure what it was at first and then realized as soon as Maggie's hands pressed onto his shoulder that the sound was coming from him. He was sobbing. His shoulders heaved as Maggie pulled him on to his back.

He couldn't breathe and for a moment he panicked. Maggie stared, her own eyes full of pain and sorrow.

And he lost it.

Time stopped. It was still raining outside. Flashes of bright white light flickered on the walls of the cell block. Loud thunder cracked and shook the walls.

It was dark and cold.

Daryl lay on his back staring at the ceiling breathing in slow deep breaths.

Everyone was asleep. Well, almost everyone.

Judy was cooing next to him. She held a small plush bunny that was soaking wet from her trying to chew on the ears.

He turned his head just so and stared at Judy.

He wanted to leave. Pack what little he had to his name and take off. He couldn't protect Carol so what made him think he could protect the rest of them.

Just as the idea started to turn into something more Judy rolled her head and stared him straight in the eyes.

Her tiny, pudgy little fingers reached out to him still clutching the bunny. As if she was offering it to him.

He knew then he couldn't leave. He couldn't leave the people he'd come to love as family. He couldn't leave this baby. He couldn't no matter how much his body was screaming at him to get up and leave.

He'd stay and protect them 'till it killed him. And one day he knew it would. He knew one day he was going to die for them, either by a walker or another human. And he was okay with that.

Carol.

He didn't say it out loud, but he could still hear the echo. Her name bouncing off the walls and crashing into him like a bullet. It was almost like he could feel it tearing into his flesh, burying deep into his body and he waited to bleed out.

He scooted closer to Judy.

It was like she was tethering him to the world in that moment.

His mind flooded with memories as he watched the lightning flash across the wall.

He crept up the stairs to the tower. He was slow and quiet as he rounded the steep corner and saw the door opened just so. He adjusted his cross bow and slowly pushed the door just enough where he could see her clearly. He didn't really know what he was doing. Or what he would do if she caught him.

He was just curious, "What did Carol do alone?"

She was standing there, the old sleeping bag under her feet. She had her rifle up and aimed. She was looking through the scope.

Her foot raised slightly off the sleeping bag, her toes the only thing touching it.

He knew she was just checking.

Staring at her foot his jeans got a little tighter.

A moment passes and he realizes that a certain member was wide awake and waiting for a release.

His hand flew down to his groan and grabbed tightly as if willing it to go down and it wasn't having it.

His sudden movement alerted Carol. She spun the rifle around facing the door.

He straightened out and adjusted his cock and pushed the door open. Clearing his throat he stepped inside.

She dropped the gun.

A flash of lightning streaking through the tower highlighted her face for a second.

"Oh Daryl you scared me." She laughed a little.

He smirked. If only she knew what he was thinking a moment ago. He dropped his head slightly and nodded to himself.

She noticed. She followed his gaze to the floor and then picked her gaze back to him. When her eyes grazed past his middle section they stopped moving. She gasped a little; barely audible and spun on her heel facing the court yard.

"Oh ...My…" She thought. A tingle was present in the pit of her stomach as she processed the information her brain was screaming at her.

Daryl cleared his throat. Tonight was not going at all the way he thought it was going to go when he woke up that morning.

His member was still on the hard side and his nuts were so tight and tense for release that standing was uncomfortable. He switched from foot to foot hoping it would help the almost painful urge in his pants.

It didn't.

So he moved to stand next to her.

His mind was brought back to the present. Judy's whine told him she was hungry.

He reached across her and picked up her half empty bottle and put it in her mouth. He propped the bottle up on his jacket and rolled his head back to the wall.

She was smiling up at him. His body propped up on his elbows. Her naked body pressed to his.

How the night had gone so far from what he'd thought it would.

He smiled down on her. Pressing his cock to her soft tissue. She let out a frustrated grunt and she gave him an evil smile. He liked that. He liked that a lot.

He moved his hand down her stomach following the wet trail his mouth had just left. He plunged his finger inside her causing her to squirm. He was trying to loosen her up. He didn't want to boast but he was large and he didn't want to hurt her.

He added another finger and her hips started to rock. He didn't have to move his hand. Her movements pleased her. He smiled as he looked between their stomachs and watched as she got herself off.

He almost lost it. It took everything he had in him not to cum right then and there.

He pulled his hand free and moved his body back over her and pressed his manhood to her heat and stopped fighting the urge not to cum again.

Impatient she thrust her hips upward forcing him inside her.

He gasped at the sudden warmth and tightness he hadn't felt in so long.

He was surprised she'd done that. But this wasn't her first rodeo. And he knew that.

He pushed and pulled as much as his cock would allow.

Her nails dug into his already scarred back but he didn't care. At least if they scarred they'd be linked to a good memory for once.

After, he fell on top of her and tried to catch his breath. He lasted longer than he thought he would for, which he was very impressed with.

She was giving little gasps of air. So soft.

He turned and faced the rail. He couldn't stand the memory now.

He could see the door from there.

He thought he saw a shadow and shot to his feet, cross bow beside him.

He padded barefoot down the stairs. He looked behind him at Judy who was fast asleep.

He pushed the metal door, the keys making an awful lot of noise, as he unlocked it and stepped into the other living area of their cell block.

He moved to the other door and unlocked it.

He thought about waking Rick, but decided he could handle it.

The hallway was dark and, though he'd never admit it, creepy.

He busted through the last door and looked around. Nothing.

He moved to the large gate and looked out, his feet sinking into some mud at the base of the gate.

He cringed and stepped out of it. The rain had eased to a mist as he stood there looking out at the walkers walking around.

And he became angry.

Angry at the world that took Carol away from him.

His fist clenched into a tight ball at his side. Another tear fell down his cheek.

He turned, going back inside. He looked up at the tower, the memory of him and Carol lingered and he saw another shadow.

His body moved before his brain told it to and he lurched up the stairs and busted through the door and he almost fell on his face.

There, covered in mud and soaking wet from head to toe, stood Carol.

And he lost it.

He had Carol in his arms, crushing her to him. His cross bow lay forgotten where it slipped from his fingers.

He pulled back and looked at her, really looked at her. His palms softly traced her jaw and cheeks.

Wiping away the grime from her eyes, he saw those big blue gray pools.

Her hair was longer. Not much, but still longer. Strands of hair went every which way. There were clumps of mud here and there. Twigs and leaves were scattered throughout her head.

Then he noticed something else.

Red.

It wasn't bright, but dull and watered down, but it was blood he could tell.

Then he noticed a different shade brighter than the rest. Fresh blood not washed away by the rain.

She was bleeding.

Ice flooded his body; fear causing his back to tense so tight his body was rigid.

There, on her neck, was a gnashing wound not very big by any means but gnarly looking all the same.

Oh God. She was bitten! His heart hit the floor. Vile rose in his throat and he was sure to vomit.

He staggered back away from her. Instinct telling him she was dangerous.

Hurt replaced the joy in her eyes and he rushed back and pulled her into an even tighter hug.

He breathed in her muddy scent and kissed her hair.

"Carol." He whispered, tears flowing freely from his eyes.

She pulled back surprised. Her eyes were wider than before. He nearly choked.

How could God be so cruel? He knew he hadn't done well before all this happened but he didn't do anything bad enough that he's being punished like this.

To lose Carol, thinking she'd been killed in the fight with Woodbury, but to get her back only to find she was dying in your arms right then and there. It was cruel.

"Daryl?" Her voice was weak. It was just above a whisper. "What's wrong?"

He pulled her to him.

"I thought I'd lost you."

She had to strain her ears to hear him. She smiled a soft smile.

"You didn't though... I'm here now." She felt his arms get tighter around her shoulders.

"Carol." His voice trailed off.

"What Daryl?" This time she pulled away just enough so she could look him in the eyes. They were focused on her feet and for just a second she thought she saw him smirk. That smirk he got when she got a little friskier than she normally would. He was remembering something.

He brushed some mud off her shoulder and exposed the wound on her neck. She raised her hand and flinched when she touched the outer rim of it. She looked up, shocked.

And he lost it. His whole world was falling apart in front of him and he couldn't understand why the tower hadn't fallen over. Why she was standing so still. He reached out to her, but his fingers found no perch as the blackness consumed him.

In the distance he could hear something. Like a shuffling sound but closer to paper rather than feet. His eyes shot open and he found himself on his mattress. For a split second, he panicked.

"Judy."

The sun was high, he could tell by the shadow on the wall. He'd left her all alone for so long.

Guilt washed over him. He went to jump to his feet but soft hands took his hands in hers and pulled him back down next to her. Her book lay faced down forgotten. Explains the sound of paper.

"Judy's fine. Beth has her." Her voice was like soft satin. It was like a deaf man hearing a violin for the first time.

"Carol."

She really was alive and it was just a nightmare. He allowed himself that brief moment of happiness before his brain reminded him that she'd been bitten.

"You're bit Carol." It was a statement of fact that he was still trying to swallow.

She gave him a weak smile and turned her head down as if to look at it, but without a mirror she'd only see the edge. Then slowly, she picked up her head and gave him her sweetest smile.

"It was bard wire I pushed through and fell and it ripped my shirt and neck." She held his gaze, "It's not a walker bite Daryl."

And he lost it.

He lunged at her, pulling her into a bear hug and held tight.

A few tears fell from his eyes as he confessed in a whisper everything he swore he'd tell her if he had the chance.

A/N: REVIEW! Thanks …! Hope you liked it. I really thought hard about ending it another way where Carol did get bit but becuz Daryl just lost his brother I figured he should get at least one happy ending. Don't forget to review

Thank You. Whywewashwindows


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